A few days ago I had a rather irritating encounter with one of a friend that I have known for several years. A group of friends came to visit me and go to lunch. I offered to buy lunch for the group at a “nice” restaurant in the area. All went well until one of the ladies started complaining that I only bought one bottle of wine for the group (of three). (I had offered to purchase whatever they would like to eat or drink.) She thought I should have purchased three bottles. Obviously that was silly since we all knew that as these folks were almost certainly only going to have a glass each. I bought a separate glass for myself because she ordered a bottle of rose which I don’t particularly like. They were all free to order whatever, and how much, they wanted. I thought it was rather odd to accuse me of being stingy with the wine given that I offered them to pick anything on the menu – which included some rather pricey wines.

Things seemed to go alright until such time as the meal was finished. I picked up the bill as I had promised, but she insisted on adding a few dollar bills as a tip. I thought that was odd, and told her she needn’t do that – I was treating them. However, using a stage whisper, she explained to one of the others that she did this because “I am wealthy and wealthy people never leave good tips”! Perhaps I didn’t leave a big enough tip, but she had no way of knowing and it wasn’t something I normally advertise. I tipped almost 25% for the meal that I bought for her, which seemed generous to me. Besides, she couldn’t see how much I had paid – she just made the idea that I hadn’t tipped enough because she is convinced that I am stingy.

She spent the rest of the time during the rest of the afternoon insulting me about how selfish I am because I haven’t given away all of my money to poor people such as herself. She insisted that I don’t give sufficiently to charity and am never generous but am always greedy. Her reasoning was that she decided that I am too rich Therefore, she assumes that I am always stingy, and therefore I am a terrible human being; even though I recently gave her $1000 so she could get hearing aids and had just paid for her lunch. It was just weird. Perhaps I am too stingy, and perhaps I am not generous when I should be – but for her to launch into such a extreme bit of insults was pretty odd. She started it before she had a glass of wine, so she wasn’t reacting to too much alcohol – she apparently had created a mindset about how horrible I am because I have saved up enough money to retire (I hope). I would have been happy to discuss the whole thing if she could have listend, but she wouldn’t (or couldn’t).

I am not at all sure whether I am “wealthy” or not. I worked hard for many years as an independent engineer, saving money with the goal of having sufficient investments to allow me to retire without having to rely upon charity or the government for my support. My planned budget is designed to be empty by the time I die at perhaps age 100. I include a rather large “gifting” component in my budget that gives me a little discretion should the future bring unforeseen expenses. My “wealth” is in place of a retirement plan because I have always worked as an independent consultant and therefore have no retirement plan beyond Social Security.

I don’t think many people with retirement benefits (from the government or otherwise) realize how valuable those plans are and how large an investment is required to achieve that level of security. For example, it takes more than $3,000,000 in low risk investments to achieve a retirement equivalent to a typical $100,000 a year retirement plan in California. I suppose poor folks consider an investment portfolio of $3,000,000 to be wealthy, or a budget of $100,000 a year to be exorbitant (and perhaps it is). An investment sufficient to achieve an adequate income stream when needed during retirement years carries considerable risk. An income of $100,000 per year in California is considerably less than can be achieved by a typical two-income couple for white collar workers and other professions with a single wage earner doing things such as firemen and police officers.

I am not sure where the break between “normal”, “poor” or “wealthy” lies. Personally, I don’t consider myself wealthy, I consider myself to be adequately funded to finish my life without having to depend upon others. If I ended up with left over “wealth” upon my death, that has been directed to assist my grandchildren (or perhaps great grandchildren) in getting an education and having a little “nest egg” to start their lives as adults. It certainly won’t be sufficient to cover their expenses, but it might be enough to help with something like a down payment on a home should they desire to purchase a house. Gifting any more than I currently am doing would not be prudent because it would leave me at risk of financial disaster, with the result of depending upon others for my support. I worked and saved for fifty-five years with the intention of not becoming a burden to my loved ones, or the State.

Obviously, at some point accumulating sufficient money can certainly make a person “well-to-do” or maybe even “wealthy. I am not exactly sure where this point of being “wealthy” is to be found. Perhaps it is when you have enough money that there is no longer a reasonable way to use, or lose, it. Another measure might be conspicuous consumption. For example, yesterday I noticed a brand new Bentley automobile in town – maybe this implies that the owner is “wealthy”. I certainly can’t afford to drive a $300,000 car – but I don’t know anything else about that person so can’t really can’t judge his situation. Clearly it is possible to spend down very large amounts of money in a short period of time, many professional ball players have demonstrated that in rather spectacular fashion. I don’t know how you can spend over $100,000,000 – but they seem to figure it out on a regular basis.

The issue of some people judging people to be “bad” because they have accumulated a lot of money is interesting. I think it offers a bit of insight into a particular set of prejudices that people create for themselves. I find it to be quite common for people to assume that if you managed to gather enough money to retire without using government subsidies or charity you must be nasty and greedy (even when you happen to be giving them money to help them along). My “friend” was absolutely convinced that my only concern is to get as much money as possible so I can die wealthy. She is convinced that I don’t donate to any good causes, don’t contribute to Society, and am just mean and nasty because of my overwhelming greed. Perhaps I am mean and nasty (I have friends that don’t seem to agree with that idea), and perhaps I don’t donate as much as she would if she had my resources. I agree that I might have these types of faults – but I really don’t think they were evident in this situation. .

It is unfortunate that the topics of income, savings, wealth, financial security are taboo in our culture. That taboo means that we can’t share our experiences and rationales, which means that we all stay firmly planted in our pre-conceived set of prejudices and judgments. This keeps us pointed to others as being “at fault”, that the others are the cause of whatever ills we are thinking about. It keeps us from understanding from a wide variety of points of view, and keeps us from creating solutions. There are two things here- one, perceptions: we see the world and people, not the way they truly are, but the way WE are. The way WE think we are (or pretend to be) and the way we REALLY are