This book is an interesting look into the family and history of Donald Trump. It isn’t exactly a “tell all” about the many stupid, harmful, spiteful actions of her uncle Donald that we are all so painfully aware of, but rather an attempt to put his actions and personality in context with his rearing, or as described by don Miguel Ruiz as his “domestication.” It isn’t so much about all of the rather unusual (and dangerous) features of his personality, but more about how that might have been created. The book’s author, Mary Trump, is the daughter of Donald’s older brother who was initially selected by her grandfather to be the “heir apparent” for the family’s fortune. Her father fell out of favor when her grandfather and Donald decided to close ranks. Her father experienced many difficult and humiliating encounters with his brother and father, eventually dying at early age from alcoholism.
When Mary was talking to Donald’s sister, Maryanne, during the lead up to the election, she as asked Maryanne, “Does anybody even believe the bullshit that he’s a self-made man? What has he even accomplished on his own?” Her aunt responded, “Well, he has had five bankruptcies.”
In her professional opinion as a licensed and experienced clinical psychologist is that Donald meets all of the nine criteria for being a narcissist as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), but that is just the tip of the iceberg of the extremely dangerous psychological tendencies that fuel his destructive behaviors. In her opinion, he also meets the criteria for antisocial personality disorder that often accounts for chronic criminality, arrogance, and disrespect for the rights of others. He also meets some of the criteria for dependent personality disorder, the hallmark of which include the inability to make decisions or take responsibility, discomfort with being alone, and going to excessive lengths to obtain support from others. In addition, he probably has a long un-diagnosed learning disability that for decades has interfered with his ability to process information. His habit of drinking a twelve-pack of Diet Coke a day may be part of the cause of his severe inability to sleep because of the caffeine, which combined with a exceptionally poor diet and lack of exercise may contribute to or exacerbate his other disorders.
Dr. Trump points out that performing an accurate and complete diagnosis would require extensive neuropsychological and psychological tests that aren’t going to happen – the most that can be done is to observe closely, which is impossible because he leads a mostly hidden life where he is only visible for brief moments that are controlled by his “handlers” (who appear to have a very difficult with that chore). She points out that we all see enough of his behavior to recognize an extremely unbalanced and out-of-control individual, but there is not much that can be done to reign him in as long as “his base” (his self-described “Second Amendment people”) continue to support him come hell or high water. It seems clear to me that his base doesn’t really care about him, they are using him as an excuse to promote antisocial agendas that have been festering for decades (perhaps since the founding of the County).
The reason that no amount of evidence of wrong doing, no amount of evidence of being wildly outside of normal social constraints, and no amount of evidence of arbitrary and capricious decision making has any importance to his supporters. All that matters is that he will support them, and will not stand in their way. They are finally free to express and act upon their personal agendas that have been blocked for generations. Mary Trump makes it clear that not only her uncle suffers from a long list of psychological disorders, but that these were created by a highly dysfunctional family, especially a father (her grandfather) that shared these traits with his son – resulting in his supporting and promoting the worst of the traits. My conjecture is that he shares a great many of these traits with “his base” – resulting in the apparently empathy with his approach to life.
The family related issues that the Mary Trump discusses as potential “causes” of her uncle’s behavior seem very real to me because I have experienced, or witnessed, most of the problems first hand with my family or those who are close to me – including close friends. I recognize the impacts of ostracizing one’s son while supporting another, as my father did with my brother and me (I was the chosen one, but saw and experienced the damage done to my brother). I recognize what happens when a family decides to provide financial support to one, leaving out others. I have seen, and experienced, many of the problems described in the book – I suspect almost all of have these kinds of dark ghosts in our past. None of these problem are all that unique. Luckily most don’t result in the kinds of deep dysfunction described by Dr. Trump with regard to her uncle Donald Trump. However, I am surprised about how many of my close friends and acquaintances have long term relationships with host of therapists, how many are taking “meds” to moderate the great harm caused during their “domestication” and how many are teetering on emotional collapse. Some are well over 80 years old and still suffering from problems created during early childhood. In most of these cases the problems have “merely” resulted in ruined lives, deep anger and personal anguish that then is repeated for the next generation. The problems described by Dr. Trump aren’t that rare, the problem is that it is happening with an extremely powerful person.
While I can easily understand how Donald got the way he is, the book has helped me have compassion and empathy with his plight, that doesn’t make him a safe choice for someone in the position as the most powerful person in the world. I agree with his niece’s opinion that if he gets back into office it is very likely going to result in the end of democracy in America. Having a better idea of how he got the way that he is, have a better insight into the depth of his dysfunctional behaviors, knowing that he is incapable of understanding much of anything doesn’t make it better – it makes is much, much worse.
The book’s description of some of the events that happened during the month’s before the election reminded me of when Hillery made the comment about the folks that she characterized as a “basket of deplorables,” saying that many of his supporters are racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic. My reaction was that perhaps those folks exist, but who would self-align with these characteristics? It turned out that ALL of my neighbors did. They all identified as being part of that group, and were mad as hell that there were being scolded for their positions on these topics. Soon after Hillary made that statement I went to a neighborhood party (perhaps a birthday party or something, I don’t recall right now). Everyone was focused on these phrase, not in what I would have expected by denying their inclusion in this group, they agreed with her characterization but were angry that she had the temerity to judge their beliefs as somehow “bad.” It quickly got the point where I had to excuse myself from the gathering because I refused to join in with agreeing that I was also racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic and Islamophobic. I was seriously concerned that I was in danger by being in that group of “friends”.
The author states that “His (Donald’s) pathologies have rendered him so simple-minded that it takes nothing more than repeating to him the things he says to and about himself dozens of times a day – he’s the smartest, the greatest, the best – to get him to do whatever they (smarter, more powerful men) want, whether it’s imprisoning children in concentration camps, betraying allies, implementing economy-crushing tax cuts, or degrading every institution that’s contributed to the United State’s rise and the flourishing of liberal democracy.” Toward the end of the book, Dr. Trump seems to catch the essence of the situation with this description, “Every time you hear Donald talking about how something is the greatest, the best, the biggest, the most tremendous (the implication being that he made them so), you have to remember that the man speaking is still, in essential ways, the same little boy who is desperately worried that he, like his older brother, is inadequate and that he, too, will be destroyed for his inadequacy. At a very deep level, his bragging and false bravado are not directed at the audience in front of him but at his audience of one: his long-dead father.”